This Thus

You know, I’ve been involved with a number of universities and grad programs and I don’t remember any of the departments making a conscious and across the board effort to create a plan for itself. At least not one that included discussion and awareness on the part of the students (both graduate and undergraduate). Is this one reason why there seems to be a “well, it’s always been done that way, that’s why” kind of attitude in most academic departments? What would a department look like that had a direction? A plan? One that was openly discussed and enacted and even contested by everyone involved, faculty, staff, and students?

So a few friends who have been following this blog are still asking me how the semester is going and I realized that I haven’t been very open about my subjective experience in the program so far. In short, it’s been a tough semester. Harder in many ways than I expected. My disappointment with my apartment, the fact that I haven’t connected as deeply with my colleagues as I expected, the unexpected depth to just how much I miss my former flatmate, Erin, and a general inability to achieve the balance between my schoolwork and a healthy lifestyle are all reasons that I have struggled throughout the semester with doubt, loneliness, frustration, sadness, and some more loneliness. I have made some efforts to alleviate some of my feeling of isolation which are helping get me out of my hermit’s cave of an existence and socializing in different ways. However, it has been and still is a hard semester for me and one that I look forward to getting over with in the next 5 weeks or so.

That said, I don’t doubt that I made the right decision in returning to school. As hard as the adjustment is right now, I’m in the place that makes most sense for me in terms of a career. Also, I do want to make clear that I truly appreciate the support that I have received from a number of people in my department, as well as those far-flung friends who stay in touch and keep an interest in my welfare. Thanks.

So that, in short, is how my semester is going. Could be better, could be significantly worse. Right now I’m at the stage where I just need to get a lot of work done in a rapidly dwindling amount of time. I will be taking a few days to visit RI before my big push toward getting everything done and look forward to seeing my folks and Erin (as well as Piper, the cat, and Cassie the beagle) and hopefully will get a mental recharge from that trip.

No matter how prepared you think you are for graduate school—especially for PhD programs—they will always be harder than you expect, and in completely unexpected ways.

I don’t know why I feel there is something appropriate about this for a blog about pursuing a PhD, but I think it serves as a reminder that I need to be more diligent in finding a balance between work and play.

Between going to a wedding last weekend, a project due this past week, I have slacked off on my self-imposed schedule for this project. Ah well.

However, I am hoping to do a slight mental reset this weekend and get caught up on a couple of things and back into our regularly scheduled posts.

Do we, as theatre scholars and historians, have a moral responsibility to the past? Or do we have a moral responsibility to understand our present and the possible futures that our histories have shaped? Do we have a moral responsibility for anything at all?