Title: EveryBunny’s a Critic

Author: Peter Wood

Draft date: 13-08-05

Contact: peterwood2@gmail.com

Setting: A high school football field. Not a representation of a football stadium in a theatre, but an actual high school football field.

The theme to Rocky plays loudly through bad speakers. From opposite sides of the field, two men walk toward the 50 yard line. They are dressed in bunny suits, but walk with dignity. At the 50 yard line there are two microphones and when the two bunny-suited men arrive they each take a place behind a mic. The music fades as they take their places.

BUNNY 1

Hey it’s great to see you all out here tonight. Thanks for coming. We’ve got a fun evening planned for you, lots of crashing and mayhem and breaking bones and running. Lots of running. But first, I wanted to ask you--

(he turns to Bunny 2)

--How do you catch a unique rabbit?

BUNNY 2

I don’t know. How do you catch a unique rabbit?

BUNNY 1

Unique up on it.

Bunny 1 laughs. The crowd roars. Bunny 2 is silent.

BUNNY 1

What do you call a defensive line that falls backwards?

BUNNY 2

I don’t know. What do you call a defensive line that falls backwards?

BUNNY 1

A receding hare-line!

Bunny 1 laughs. The crowd roars. Bunny 2 is silent.

The following series of jokes should increase in pace until there is no space between them for either the crowd to roar or Bunny 1 to laugh.

BUNNY 1

Knock,knock.

BUNNY 2

Who’s there?

BUNNY 1

Ether

BUNNY 2

Ether who?

BUNNY 1

Ether bunny. Knock, knock.

BUNNY 2

Who’s there?

BUNNY 1

Juan

BUNNY 2

Juan who?

BUNNY 1

Juan more ether bunny. Knock, knock.

BUNNY 2

Who’s there?

BUNNY 1

Stella

BUNNY 2

Stella who?

BUNNY1

Stella nother ether bunny. Knock, knock.

BUNNY 2

Who’s there?

BUNNY 1

Justin

BUNNY 2

Justin who?

BUNNY 1

Justin other Ether Bunny. Knock, knock.

BUNNY 2

Who’s there?

BUNNY 1

Samoa

BUNNY 2

Samoa who?

BUNNY 1

Samoa Ether Bunnies. Knock, knock.

BUNNY 2

Who’s there?

BUNNY 1

Beryl

BUNNY 2

Beryl who?

BUNNY 1

Beryl of ether bunnies. Knock, knock.

Bunny 2 pulls out a gun and shoots Bunny 1 in the head. There is an explosion of blood as Bunny 1 falls to the ground. His body spasms once then is still.

BUNNY 2

(muttering low)

Fucking comedians.

Bunny 2 walks off the field. The lights go out.

Title: Spoken Roses

Author: Peter Wood

Draft date: 13-08-02

Contact: peterwood2@gmail.com

.LIGHTS UP

Two women sit on opposite sides of the stage. Darkness surrounds them and presents a gulf between them. They should look similar enough to be mistaken for sisters and wear matching clothes. Unless otherwise indicated, they should speak in unison. “Spoken Roses” by John Foxx and Harold Budd plays softly, repeating itself, in the background.

BOTH

Here I sit. Sat. The day was troubled and I watched you slipping away from me like a long held breath. This is not the way, a voice said, not the way it was supposed to be, a voice said, not the way it was ever supposed to be. Yet the undeniable fact was that, yes, it was happening. And the lines of your face were suddenly etched with a peculiar sadness. One that I had never quite seen before. In an echo. An echo of a ghost. An echo of a ghost fading before the sunrise upon the Atlantic ocean with the smell of salt air and seaweed and the sand in the wind catching in my hair on a day so unlike this one yet bringing with it a memory. No, not a memory. A feeling.

ONE

No.

BOTH

Not a feeling. A . . . sigh. A sigh of licorice breath through parted lips that lived not in my heart and not in my head and not in my stomach but in my muscles and bones. Barely more than a silence. But--

TWO

But.

BOTH

Barely is more than nothing. This thought, speaking roses in the muscles of my neck and your hand, my hand and your neck, this thought speaking roses, roses spoken, spoken roses.

Silence. The music fades. The two women breathe in unison.

TWO

I watched.

ONE

I watched.

The music resumes.

BOTH

You slip away into a darkness. Oh you laughed and spoke wildly, veering from love to hate and wine to sex and the bright, bright lights with your eyes reflecting distant stars, but it was all edged with a darkness that frightened me and excited me and made me forget myself in the moment I was revealed. A mirror saw without reflecting, that gathered in my face, my face into itself and never let it go so that I was only ever able to see myself in the backs of diner teaspoons in the moments before I stirred cream into coffee. Licking the spoon would always erase my face, leaving me once more alone in your eyes with nowhere else to see myself.

ONE

This death.

TWO

Which is not death.

ONE

Yet is.

BOTH

This death which is not death yet is I hold in my fingers. Like the hand of a newborn baby. Like a butterfly. Like a breath.

Pause.

BOTH

I cannot breathe.

ONE

I cannot

TWO

breathe.

They do not breathe for at least one full minute. The music fades.

They breathe out. Softly. A cry nearly emerging from their throats. The music resumes. The two women breathe in unison.

BOTH

I watch you slip away. The petals fall.

Slowly, they reach for each other’s hand. They are too far away, yet still they try.

The lights fade. The music fades.

They breathe and strive.

.BLACKOUT

Title: Invasion!

Author: Peter Wood

Draft date: 13-08-01

Contact: peterwood2@gmail.com

LIGHTS UP

On one side of the stage, the BOY sits on a rock, a small knapsack next to him. He is reading a book from Ursula K. LeGuin’s Earthsea series. The video backdrop is of a forest. There are sounds of a summer afternoon in the background: birds, insects, a light wind, etc.

He reads. He turns the page slowly.

The lights dim on his section of the stage and the sound becomes a series of broken radio and tv voices.

VARIOUS VOICES

First contact / Demands / Long grey ships / Insectile appearence / Come in peace / Translations / Hibernating for over 2000 year

As these voices continue, the GIRL enters from the back of the house. The video backdrop begins to mirror or movements through the woods. As the Various Voices continue, she makes her way to the Boy. A sound of running footsteps along a wooded path. As she gets closer and closer to the boy, the Various Voices fade.

VARIOUS VOICES

The President of the United States / Religious violence and riots in the streets / Fear and panic / Joy and excitement / Cures for Cancer / Suggests that military response may become necessary but that we should not expect to succeed, still the human race will never lie down and let themselves / Streep Sget N’ah’ala, the alien Ambassador / Focus on the future / The Chinese Paramount Leader suggests that / We do not understand / Black, ant-like bodies / They’d best not tread on me / The South will not tolerate / Indian and Pakistani relations took a turn for the worst / Nuclear / Peace / Alien / Mandibles sharp / Warrior caste and a scholar caste but an individual alien may switch back and forth a number of / Wikileaks has just posted documents revealing that our governments knew

Throughout this, the Girl has been running through the forest. The video backdrop reflecting her motion. As she arrives at the rock, the Various Voices have faded altogether, leaving only the sound of the woods.

BOY

Hey.

GIRL

(panting)

Hey.

He reads. She catches her breath.

GIRL

Have you heard! Aliens! Real live aliens. Here. Spaceships and everything. They look a little like ants but I don’t think as much as people say. Sorta like a cross between an ant and a badger. Kinda ugly. I wish they were prettier. But their spaceships are awesome and I am totally going to get on one and go to space and become a famous scientist of the galaxy but a scientist that also is a pilot and an interstellar detective.

He turns the page.

BOY

Cool.

He doesn’t sound impressed.

GIRL

Why are you here? I knew you would be. Here. Reading. But aren’t you excited why aren’t you home and watching the aliens it’s a “whole new world” my dad says, “history in the making,” he says, “you’ll tell your grandchildren about this moment and they won’t believe you” he says. My mom just looks sad and has spent the whole day in her garden. Everybody is talking about it!

The Boy puts a bookmark into the book, closes it slowly and deliberately and looks at the Girl.

BOY

Magic is cooler.

Silence but for the sounds of the woods. The Girl sits next to the rock, wrapping her arms around her legs and looking very serious.

GIRL

Yeah. I see what you mean. But, magic isn’t real!

BOY

(grinning)

That’s what they said about aliens.

The two sit. A long pause. The lights slowly, slowly fade. The sound of the woods.

BLACKOUT